So I got my belly button pierced! I have never been so exciteddd, its super cute a bright dark pink and soo pretty! I love playing with it and knowing its there. Steve made some joke that every time after we break up i self annihalate myself like freshman year when i got my nose pierced. We are still talking.. its alright. the usual but a little better? just more realistic this time around.
My classes are going pretty well, I have a really tough essay that is due in a few days and finding motiviation to write it is my biggest problem. two more weeks of school tho, could not be more excited!
Im sitting outside in the quad on a bench in the sun right now waiting for my Belgium meeting to start. Im excited to finally get some information on this program and meet my fellow abroad friends. Im mostly just excited to be able to speak french. That is something i really do miss, i just love that language. I met with the UW French program director and she told me how I have an energy about me and that she usually does not have as long of conversations with students as we did. I was very flattered, also because my uncly Mark kept telling me I have this energy when I was in Arizona.
Mac died. This is really sad. Im not sure how I feel because I have not had the chance to go home where I would normally see him. Lillian died too a few days ago. Im so surrounded with death lately that it scares me. But honestly, im very void of emotions. Its like since my mother was taken from me, nothing else compares. Ive lost the most important thing in my life and losing anything else does not compare. I almost feel bad for my like of sadness right now when I should be feeling so much also with my cousin Katelynn. Ive tried talking to her but I just dont know what to say. When I was in Arizona it was hard too because I didnt know how to get her to open up or let loose and just have fun with me. I dont like being sad, so I choose not to be.
Mothers day was two days ago and I was as happy as ever. Everyone came in to Cutters very happy and glad to be with their families and nothing affected me negatively. While I was a little sad seeing all these happy mothers and daughters, I once again handled teh situation with no emotions. My dad emailed me this letter that my mom wrote about working at Meir and Frank and I did not even recognize her in it. There was just so much that I did not know about her that I will never know and that is what breaks my heart and makes me sad. This person that I loved more than anything and thought I knew so well seems like a mystery to me in many ways and that breaks my heart. She sounded so smart and intelligent in the letter that I just wanted to be like her and have her help me and tell me what to do and rub her wisdom on me. Like usual this yeah I can still feel myself growing. I think I grew a lot and now I have the choice of whether or not I want to continue growing and educating myself. I need to continue to find this motivation to be a better and mor educated person. Now it is my turn to chose my growth rather than watching it happen to me. I will read books. I can be who I want to be and I can educate myself.
I love my house still, I have no drama with anyone we all just hang out and get along. I life with out drama truley is a great one. There is always someone around that I can hang out with and I never feel alone. Yesterday me lauren kim and kate went to alki beach and ate pizza! The other day me milli lauren kim and molly went to gas works and layed out in the sun! I have been working which i love doing. We had people over on thursday adn Caitlin came and Ankar and Zach. I cooked dinner with Marta the other day. I talk with tori zoe and katherine pretty often and lauren sometimes too. I still talk with marit and brittany which is nice and i have class with sprute.
I had a great talk with gma ruth on mothers day. She is still very much sane and able to converse and have conversation. she is still fully there even in her old age. its refreshing to hear her voice. I chatted with aunt patricia today and i am very excited to see her at my brothers graduation! I am surrounded with family and friends and I am living a great life full of love eduction and travel! I am constantly happy but it is not the same as the overwhelming happiness that i had in europe but it is a more calm and real happiness because I knew my time abroad was really just a vacation.
Im excited for school to be over and to finally commence all my summer activites. and im excited to still have a month of summer left when I get back to work and hang out with my friends. Im looking forward to these trips but I am also a little sad about missing summer in seattle but I will have many of those to look forward to Im sure… I am enjoying my life and I look forward to seeing what the world has in store for me or what I will make happen with my life. The only thing that I am really wanting is a boyfraaannn to cuddle with every night. I miss that type of affection.
ok well thats all I have for now. Love to all and especially Katelynn and Sam <3




